Kindness & Compassion Goes a Long Way

When I first started blogging about my journey through infertility, I had two purposes in mind. The first, to support other women who were going through a similar journey in hopes to give them comfort, validation, and a community of support. The second, was to support myself through the grief and loss I had experienced along the way. 

It had been on my mind for months, however at first, I just couldn’t commit to creating the blog out of fear. Fear of being so vulnerable as I had mostly remained so private up to this point and fear of being judged by others who didn’t understand. I’ve always believed that often the scariest of beginnings turn into the most beautiful stories, and so with that I opened a blank page on my computer, and started writing. What began as words on a computer screen, turned into something I could have never imagined possible – a community of support for other women around the world, a podcast, and an opportunity for me to give a voice to other women.

What I perhaps was not prepared for was insensitive comments and inappropriate questions from acquaintances and individuals I’ve never met. I’ve lost count of how many private messages I have received or in person communication I have had with people that left me shaking my head, upset or taken aback. Now, I want to add a disclaimer that I’m well aware of the risk a person takes when they become open and vulnerable with the world – that it will most likely invite others to have opinions, or believe your story is theirs to share or speak about. 

I’ve always been (mostly) transparent, and I often appreciate when people will ask me a question about Jayce’s adoption because they want to be informed, and most importantly, want to use appropriate language. However, receiving more messages than I can count from individuals asking me if my pregnancy with Everly, and my most recent announcement was from IVF or naturally, I can’t help but be at a loss for words. These questions are strictly out of curiosity, and do not come from a place of respect and caring for my story. I could not imagine ever reaching out to someone I’ve never met, or someone I have not talked to in years, and asking them what position they had intercourse in to conceive their children. That sounds crazy, doesn’t it?  Often, infertility and adoption journey’s are not approached with the same respect. Although I am very open about many pieces of my journey, there will always be pieces that will remain private, and I hope that you can respect my openness by not taking advantage of it. 

Before you make a comment, or ask a question to an individual who underwent IVF or IUI, walked the path of an adoption or foster care journey, or is still dealing with the painful wait of an infertility journey, I hope you always ask questions or make comments from a place of love and care for that individual – not to fuel your own curiosity. I can’t express how thankful I am for this community, for the women who have reached out to me to ask questions about my adoption journey as they are interested in pursuing it themselves, or are about to start their first round of IVF and want to know if it’s “normal” to feel sick during from the countless hormone injections or simply just reaching out to let me they are excited for me that I will be blessed with a third blessing regardless of how it came to be. 

Please continue to reach out, please continue to support each other through our journey to motherhood, and our journey through motherhood –  but always do so with kindness and love.

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